Dual-Career Couples - Facing the "Stress of Success"-- How Families Cope
by Beverly Baskin
The past several decades have brought about dramatic changes in the way we view American
Families. These changes are in terms of the way we integrate career and family issues to obtain
a satisfying and economically prosperous life. In 1950, the typical family structure consisted
of a full-time working father, who was the sole wage earner, and a stay-at-home mom. Today it
appears that only a small percentage of the population fits into that category.
Donald Super was truly ahead of his time when he wrote that people face a multitude of decisions
in their roles as parents, workers, learners, and leisure participants. This construct has never
more critical than in the workforce 2000, and it is truly related to life planning issues for
both men and women.
Statistics
By the year 2000, 80% of the workforce was comprised of dual-earner couples. 12%+ of working
adults are single mothers and fathers or displaced mothers. By the year 2000, women represented
60% of the workforce --a majority. When it comes to relocating because of a promotion or a job
change, couples will very often be faced with a dual-career dilemma - his move or hers?
(Stoltz-Loike, 1992). Actually, the term "dual-career couple" is an offshoot of the phrase
"dual-earner couple." In the dual-career family or couple, wives are more career oriented rather
than simply holding jobs, as in many cases of dual- earner couples. Currently women and men
ages 25 through 29 are equally likely to have four plus years of college, which I find very
exciting. In dual-career couples, there is a higher commitment, higher level of training, and
accumulated experience in their careers. Money is rarely the only motivation. Both husband and
wife seek steady advancement and psychological, as well as financial satisfaction.
In her book, Marion Stoltz-Loike (1992) asks the question "Who is the dual-career couple? Are
they a pair of young professionals with much money to spend and little desire to be restricted by
responsibility or are they a pair of haggard, overworked partners who have no time for themselves
or one another?" In younger dual-career couples, there are several other factors that have been
noted as these couples increasingly seek assistance from counselors in negotiating the particular
stressors that arise from the dual-career lifestyle: Both spouses are typically more self
reliant and self sufficient. They often have one child, but rarely more than two. Usually they
do not have their children until the wives are established in their careers. These couples are
higher educated and have higher incomes than dual-earners. Dual-career women are more likely
than women in traditional marriages to have had mothers who were employed when they were
children. I find the last fact very interesting, because we are actually the professional role
models for our daughters. Years ago, if someone's mom was a working mom, her daughter wanted to
be a housewife because she felt she missed her mom being at home. Now women's roles are
emerging differently with new commitment and interest in career as well as commitment to
families.
Jim and Jane Carter write in their book,
He Works, She Works (1995), that the number one conflict
faced by women in dual-career families is
role conflict. Actually, women are used to multiple
roles. Taking on multiple responsibilities in connection with others traditionally gave us our
power and our feeling of self worth. But women are so often in a situation of giving precedence
to one role, either wife or mother or their career that this causes great stress. It is referred
to as role conflict, which results in role overload. In contrast, married men may be given more
leniency by society in their gender socialization to identify with work and family roles without
trading one off against the other. The Carters feel that the number one conflict among male
clients in dual-career marriages is the lack of nurturing that they receive from their wife or
significant other because their partner is not fulfilling the "feminine" part of their marriage
or couples contract. There are expectations of intimacy that were supposed to continue after
work and children. I agree with the importance of these female and male conflicts and frequently
experience it with my couple clients in their counseling sessions, and in my own life as a wife,
mother, and career professional. Here is the crux of the situation. Dual-career couples are
often viewed as having one of the most successful types of marriages, yet they also have the
highest rate of divorce in the United States. We, as counselors, can help reframe and
restructure specific stressors facing Dual-Career Couples. Stressors encompass the following
areas: Society's expectations and socialization of gender and changing sex roles; clarifying
values of each couple; finding new support systems congruent with dual-career family lifestyles;
re-establishing the couples dependency needs and needs for nurturing within the marriage, aside
from the external gratification received from their work; working with conflicts related to power
and competition, and helping the couple make educated decisions regarding occupational mobility.
References
Carter, J.& J. (1995).
He Works She Works: Successful Strategies for Working Couples.
New York, NY: American Management Association.
Stoltz-Loike, M. (1992).
Dual Career Couples: New Perspectives in Counseling. Alexandria VA: American Counseling Association.
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